Vthessv's Journals

my only regret

is that i ever let the fucker go again!!!!! LOL

#!&/Â¤%"

my head hurts!
i've kept myself up for a looooong time now, don't ask me why.
i'm not very tired but my head is killing meeeeeeeeeee!

i thought i'd turn back the days into just that.. DAYS!
cos i've been sleeping until it's dark enough out to loose track of what day it is.

and in 2h, im gonna go buy the last pack of smokes im gonna get for another 10 days, so unless i can persuade my ever so lovely brother to hook me up with some cash, i'll be off banging my head against the wall for atl 8days:P

why the HELL

isn't my vids showing up under the tags??!!!

im confused.. and a bit annoyed.. but i'm obviously stupid to.. so i will forget all about this and think it never happened..

okay.

so not meaningless at all.. haha

so i haven't been able to go there

but.. this is the memorial stone obviously... it looks beautiful

credit goes to: WaspGirl

2 years ...

and nothing's changed, still miss you to pieces!!!!!!!!

someone take pity over a crazy ladie with a gay cat!

I hate life atm.. it fucks with both me and my friends.
I'm used to this shit, but wtf!!! my friend made nothing but good efforts to start over and still get it thrown back in her face.

I HATE EX- BOYFRIENDS, SPANISH AUTHORITIES and being helpless.....

"low, pissed and broke"~ is my middle name

i feel like the Coolest Fan-girl in the world

i mean come on.. i'm on HIM's guest list at Helldone.. how cool is THAT!

so looking forward to Helsinki, i'll be leaving early as fuck wednesday morning.. and i wont be going back to Sweden until Jan 2nd, so I'll have some time looking up places for work and stuff.
March seems very distant right now, but I bet it will feel like 1 week when i'm finally there:S
Don't feel like leaving this flat, i like it, but i'm getting used to being kicked out unfortunatly

AT LEAST I GET TO FINNISH THE YEAR IN A FUCKING GREAT WAY!!!!!!

w00t?? will there be fucking??
i truuuly hope so before i cramp up and turn to dust...

kixxes

good day!

i had the most crappy 2 days, but after work its been fuckin great!

yesterday, i had ville-porn waiting in my inbox (thank you for saving my day btw Slave^^)
and today.. i finally found the issues of kerrang and rock sound with the ville posters downtown!!!
(gonna have to sleep with my eyes open from now on)

and.. The beanie vid!!!
it's back.. i mean i havnt really cared THAT much about it like everyone else seems to, but holy mother of .. Ville

he's so damn good looking at this very moment i can feel my heart stop!

gonna watch those vids again.. and say goodbye to the world..

survey time bejbi!

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4:

"en trasig, udda, ensam jÃ¤vla skÃ¤rartjej" (roughly translates into " A broken, odd, lonely fucking cuttergirl".

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
never watch TV

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
4.30

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
4.39

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Therapy (on the computer but out the big speakers so it doesn't count)

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
bought breakfast and smokes

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
the walls in my shower

9. What are you wearing?
towels!

10. Did you dream last night?
probably, don't we dream every night... just don't remember

11. When did you last laugh?
laughed out of pure happiness when watching the Ville flash-vid *drooool*

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
bunch of crap and Valo

13. Seen anything weird lately?
I live in a ghetto, take a wild guess

14. What do you think of this quiz?
there's no no2!

15. What is the last film you saw?
Tried watching chocolat yesterday... but god damn that movie was boring

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
i'd by all the crap i didnt need when i had payed all my oooold bills

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know?
uhm.. there's alot you don't know

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics what would you do?
id make it legal killing off assholes that hurt animals

19. Do you like to dance?
not even a bit.. i hate it.. ALOT

20. George Bush:
what about him?

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
i have nooo idea

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
still dont know, i want others to name their babies after me.. yay!

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
many times, and i will, eventually, live in spain

24. What do you want to say to God when you reach the pearly gates?
i should have removed this entire question...

low

I hate when i get to the point where i use my brain..
Yeah i know and i'm sorry, i shouldn't do that, so i've been told^^

but, i was on youtube and stubled upon vids with David, and as usual.. i'm in kind of a crappy mood.
It's so strange that i havn't been able to listen to an entire song of his since the day he died, i've tried so many times, but..
i think it's still in the back of my head that the last thing he ever told me was "i'm gonna take a shit"..
yup, it's so much like him.. but i never though he would be gone just a few days later, and i'm fuckin pissed off to this day.
On Jan 20th, it will be 2 years... but not a day goes by that i don't send a thought his way.
I don't believe in heaven, i'm not even sure i believe there is ANYTHING on the other side of this crappy hellhole, but i would like to believe he's in a place where he's happy and where he can be that crazy fucked up guy he deserves to be.

I know the world still turns, mine does to, but the months after his death was the worst i have ever experienced in my life, i'm not even sure i remember anything but crying and the pain i had in my chest.. for months and months.
waking up everyday without being able to breath and always wondering when it would go away.

I was out that day, getting more wasted than i've ever been in my life.
It was decided earlier, but when i had the news that morning, my world stopped!
everyone was leaving, and the thought of being alone at home wasn't the best of ideas, the state of mind i was in.. i don't know what could have happened..
I got wasted, really fast.. been crying all day so my body and my mind was tired.
and fell down a big ass staircase.
I still have the marks left on my legs, i have a crater in my left thigh.. and a bumb the left leg.
Not like i was gonna forget that day but thanks anyway for making even more shitty memories...

i miss you dude!! and i'm still fucking pissed at you for making that choice, even though i know you probably had to (in YOUR head).

fuck, now i'm gonna sob again!

I write the lines you want me to,
With the words I dare to use of all the ones that you have taught me,
Along the years

You cast a perfect shadow on the paper, fade away with sunlight,
I fear the way you know me, love can leave a stain...

You steal my only hope and make me stay awake another night,
I wish you bear with me, stay near me
When the Autumn leaves have fallen....
Solitude, my pain, the last thing left of me..

If you fall Iâ�™ll catch, if you love Iâ�™ll love,
And so it goes, my dear, donâ�™t be scared, youâ�™ll be safe,
This I swear. If you only love me

Seven lonely lies written on Deadwinterâ�™s night,
open the only book with the only poem I can read
In blood I sign my name and seal the midnight with a tear,
burn the paper, every line for them I criedâ�¦

If you fall Iâ�™ll catch, if you love Iâ�™ll love,
and so it goes, my dear, donâ�™t be scared, youâ�™ll be safe,
this I swear. If you only love me back

I am the Playwright and you are my Crown, make me cry for your love,
like youâ�™ve done many times,
so I know I canâ�™t write these storylines without you, Lady pain,
make me strong, canâ�™t we be together without them foreverâ�¦

The words I write can only hurt you, sorry for the rain, thank you,
my only one, you gave me this pain
I leave you gently on the floor, take one step towards the door,
whereâ�™s the letter never written, goodnight nowâ�¦

If you fall Iâ�™ll catch, if you love Iâ�™ll love,
and so it goes, my dear, donâ�™t be scared, youâ�™ll be safe,
this I swear. If you only love me

The Misery
(Tony Kakko)
Sonata Arctica